A wise man once told me, “If you are going to go out with the boys, you gotta be able to get up with the men.” What does this mean? If you are a soft little bitch and let a hangover take you down, you should probably tone down your drinking. There is no real way of avoiding a hangover entirely... if you drink booze, and you drink hard, you are going to increase your chances of feeling like shit the next day. So without further ado, here are some solid ways to mitigate that hangover and make sure you get up like a champion after a night of partying.
(I am not a fucking doctor, or scientist, this is a list of stuff I DO, always ask your physician for actual medical advice. This is the internet, it is also where WebMD lives and where you go to find out a blister on your big toe is actually an infection that will lead to sudden death)
1. Drink a Shitload of Fluids the Day of
Yes I know, this is so fuckin’ obvious… but it’s the most important. A hangovers root cause is straight up dehydration. You can help yourself by staying hydrated the day of so you don’t go into drinking already fucked to begin with. I forget to drink water everyday, so make this a priority.
2. Eat Food with loads of Carbs, Fats, and Protein
This is not science, but drinking on an empty stomach is bound to hurt you in the long run. If the only thing your body has to process is booze, it isn’t going to end well. You are also going to wake up hungry and getting food when you are hungover is a fucking pain. Postmates is a pretty fucking great invention though. I think steak and potatoes is pretty perfect predrinks meal as it has carbs, fats, and protein. If you can, grab a slice of pizza before calling it a night.
3. Forget Chasers
Don’t use chasers, they make you look like you can’t handle yourself. Learn to take down booze and enjoy it, you’ll have a better time this way. Chasers have sugar and your body is already breaking down enough sugar when it’s working to metabolize liquor, and god knows you don’t need to add anymore fat onto your dad bod.
4. Stick to Clear Liquor
The darker the liquor the more bad shit that’s in it, but I enjoy whisky so that is out of the cards. Feel free to take this advice though.
5. Drink Pedialyte
Hit your local drugstore buy 5 jugs of pedialyte and stick them in your fridge. I drink pedialyte every time before and after I go out. How much? I drink a glass an hour before drinking, a glass when I get home (if I remember), and a glass as soon as I wake up. This is one piece of advice I swear will save you. All of my friends have it in their fridge now that they have been illuminated to the magic that is pedialyte. And recent social media trends are also promoting it a shitload. Anyway, it has electrolytes your body needs, so fucking get it.
6. Pop an Advil before Bed
If you really went hard the night before, take an advil and call it a night. I don’t recommend it unless you really know for a matter of fact you will be fucked the next day.
7. Take a COLD Shower
Yep, super easy. Literally turn your shower on as cold as it will go and face it like a man. Cold temperatures can shock your body, and this will push it to stop being so soft. You will feel instantly better on so many levels if you brave it for a solid few minutes. Also, cold temps take down puffiness in your face, which is good to get rid of so people don't think you're a total piece of shit in public.
8. Drink Coffee and Crush a Bagel with Cream Cheese and Locks
This is what I do most mornings at the loc’ coffee shop near my place. Coffee has caffeine - caffeine relieves headaches, and gives you some energy you will likely be struggling for after sleeping like shit. It's also easy to drink in general because the flavor is pretty monotone if that makes sense? I add a bagel with cream cheese and locks to the mix because it has carbs, fats, and protein. It also tastes good af and it works for me.
9. Have Sex
Yes, that is correct. Having sex will get you active again, and the endorphins will help with your headache.
10. Smoke the Devil's Lettuce
Smoking cannabis will help with every part of your hangover. It will help with your headache, it will help with your nausea, and it will help with your appetite. Getting food back into your system will save you in the long run.
Everyone has their own remedies, and you will learn more and more after years of training. Anyway, these are some things I have found to be beneficial to my hangovers, which I swear are some of the worst on Earth. Don’t fucking quote me, bro.
